My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
