The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
