Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
