I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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