i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just sucked dick on a ferry
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
