you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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