Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i drank out of a bidet.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
