I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
