I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
