this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
