I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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