When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
