Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
