What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
