I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
