So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
