So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
