There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
