i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
