This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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