Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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