So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
