i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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