Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
