I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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