Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
