I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
