He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You've changed since you got that strap on
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
