I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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