Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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