you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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