Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
