just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
