I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
