Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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