i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
