Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
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I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
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Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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