I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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