Whod you bang
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
