i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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