Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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