I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
