found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
