I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
