Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
