My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
