Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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