Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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