does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
