she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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