ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
