she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
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'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
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Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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