Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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