Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
