I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
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Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
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I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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