had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
