Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I AM VODKA MAN
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
