it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
