and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
