I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
