I just saw a hot homeless man
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
