Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
