you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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