I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
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girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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