Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
