Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
