Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
