I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
