exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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