I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
