i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
