It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
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Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
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When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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