i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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