what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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