She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
