My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
