so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
